Hurry up big boy, I'm naked and I want you at least twice before Jamie gets home.

Jamie's Girlfriend

Tony: You'll come back a broken man.
Colin: Yeah, back broken from too much sex.

Thank you. That will be nice. Yes is being my answer. Easy question.

Aurelia

[in Portguese] I will miss you. And your very slow typing... and your very bad driving.

Aurelia

Grande, er... grande familio, grande tradizione de Christmas presents. Stupido.

Jamie

Juliet: I know you're Peter's best friend and I know you've never particularly warmed to me. Look, don't, don't argue. We've never got friendly. But I wanted to say, I hope that can change. I'm nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in pie and... It would be great if we could be friends.
Mark: Absolutely. Absolutely. Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the video, though. I had a real search when you first called and couldn't find it so...
Juliet: This one says "Peter and Juliet's Wedding". Do you think we might be on the right track?

Juliet: Banoffee pie?
Mark: No, thanks.
Juliet: Thank God. You would've broken my heart if you'd said yes.
Mark: Right, well, lucky you.

Eleonore: This year you bring a lady guest?
Jamie: No, change of situation. It's just me.
Eleonore: Am I sad or not sad?
Jamie: I think you're not surprised.

Jamie: I'm so late.
Jamie's Girlfriend: It's just round the corner, you'll make it.
Jamie: Are you sure you don't mind me going without you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: No, I'm just feeling so rotten.
Jamie: I love you.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know.
Jamie: I love you even when you're sick and look disgusting.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know. Now go or you will actually miss it.
Jamie: Right. Did I tell you I love you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: Yes you did, get out, loser!

Mikey, DJ interviewer: How do you think this new record compares to your old, classic stuff?
Billy Mack: Oh come on Mikey, you know as well as I do the record's crap. But wouldn't it be great if number one this Christmas wasn't some smug teenager but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price? Those young popsters come Christmas will be stretched out naked with a cute bird balancing on their balls and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn't pay off. So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record. And particularly enjoy the incredible crassness of the moment when we try to squeeze an extra syllable into the fourth line.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: I think you're referring to "If you really love Christmas..."
Billy Mack: "Come on and let it snow." Ouch.

All I want for Christmas is you.

Judy

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

Prime Minister

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