Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
Miles Raymond: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

Did you drink and dial?

Jack

You gotta help me! You gotta help me!

Jack

Miles Raymond: Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? OK? Alright. Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... a little citrus... maybe some strawberry...
[smacks lips]
Miles Raymond: ... passion fruit...
[puts hand up to ear]
Miles Raymond: ... and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupçon of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese...
Jack: Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries. Not the cheese...

Someone's killed their children and made them into cookies, and I want to go se that.

Whitney Taylor Brown

What if we do a, uh, a different holiday around the table, Easter, and just focus on the rabbit?

Whitney Taylor Brown

Dying is easy. Playing a lesbian is hard.

Mary Pat Hooligan

Is that my sweet Rachel's voice I heard? Or am I just goin' meshuga?

Marilyn Hack

[everyone around her is arguing] Well what about me?

Whitney Taylor Brown

[during her "No Penis Intended" comedy routine after the nominations] Yes, I suppose I'll forgive him... in HELL! HA HA HA HA!

Callie Webb

All I'm saying is, have it there, have it there, don't shove it down people's throat. I don't run around going, "I'm a gentile, look at my foreskin!" I don't shove it down your throat, because I don't care.

Martin Gibb

Chuck Porter: You know what they say about blind prostitutes?
Chuck Porter: You have to hand it to them!

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