Shoe-Spotting Intern: Hey, you're missing a shoe.
Christopher Gardner: Oh, hey, thanks!

Christopher is staying with me.

Christopher Gardner

Christopher: Knock knock.
Christopher Gardner: Who's there?
Christopher: Nobody.
Christopher Gardner: Nobody who?
Christopher: [silent]
Christopher Gardner: Nobody who?
Christopher: [silent]
Christopher Gardner: A-ha-ha, that's a good one, I like that!

Christopher: Knock knock.
Christopher Gardner: Who's there?
Christopher: Shelby.
Christopher Gardner: Shelby who?
Christopher: Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes, Shelby comin' round the mountain when she comes!
Christopher Gardner: Hey, that's good.

Christopher Gardner: How many planets are there?
Christopher: Um... 7?
Christopher Gardner: Seven? Nine! Okay, who's the king of the jungle?
Christopher: The gorilla?
Christopher Gardner: Gorilla? Nope. Lion.
Christopher: Yeah, lion, lion. You wanna hear something funny?

Dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save me". Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said "God will save me", then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, "God, why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you dummy!"

Christopher

Where are we going?

Christopher

It was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it.

Christopher Gardner

Christopher Gardner: Probably means there's a good chance. Possibly means we might or we might not.
Christopher: Okay.
Christopher Gardner: So, what does probably mean?
Christopher: It means we have a good chance.
Christopher Gardner: And what does possibly mean?
Christopher: I know what it means! It means we're not going to the game.

Christopher Gardner: Um, yes. "Fuck" is spelled right but you shouldn't use that word.
Christopher: Why? What's it mean?
Christopher Gardner: It's, um, an adult word used to express anger and, uh, other things. But it's an adult word. It's spelled right, but don't use it.

Christopher Gardner: [about the spelling error in the graffiti of a building] It's not "H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S." Happiness is spelled with an "I" instead of a "Y."
Christopher: Oh, okay. Is "Fuck" spelled right?

Martin Frohm: What would you say if man walked in here with no shirt, and I hired him? What would you say?
Christopher Gardner: He must have had on some really nice pants.

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