Eddie: Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.
Jane Smith: This lying bitch?
Eddie: Guess that was just wishful thinking.

[after firing a rocket launcher] We should so not be allowed to buy these.

John Smith

Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!

John Smith

John Smith: Dance with me.
Jane Smith: You don't dance.
John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover too?

John Smith: Come to Daddy.
Jane Smith: [after she bashes him with a teapot and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?

What are you a wizard? A genius? Why didn't you tell me that before?

Meg Swan

And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.


I didn't ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don't have!

Meg Swan

This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.

Meg Swan

No, that's a bear in a, in a bee costume.

Meg Swan

Stefan Vanderhoof: [talking about the first time he saw Scott showing a dog] They had the same prance, the same rhythm, it was like they were two members of the same body.
Scott Donlan: I knew a guy who had two members on the same body, dated him for about a half hour, got *so* exhausted. I'm sorry, go on, you were telling a story?

We started this magazine, 'American Bitch'. It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.

Christy Cummings

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