I don't need a nicotine patch, I smoke cigarettes.

Karen Eiffel

It was a really awful day. I know, I made sure of it. So pick up the cookie, dip it in the milk, and eat it.

Ana Pascal

Karen Eiffel: [narrating] And so he did what countless punk-rock songs had told him to do so many times before: he lived his life.

Penny Escher: I will gladly and quietly help you kill Harold Crick.
Kay Eiffel: And this coming from someone who's never thought about leaping off a building.

Everyone thinks about leaping off a building.

Karen Eiffel

Karen Eiffel: [narrating] Little did he know that this simple seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death.
Harold Crick: What? What? Hey! HELLOOO! What? Why? Why MY death? HELLO? Excuse me? WHEN?

[talking to Ana while holding a cardboard box with multiple small paper bags inside] I brought you flours.

Harold Crick

[narrating] This is a story about a man named Harold Crick and his wristwatch.

Karen Eiffel

You don't understand that this isn't a story to me, it's my life! I want to live!

Harold Crick

Dr. Jules Hilbert: The thing to determine conclusively is whether you are in a comedy or a tragedy. Have you met anyone who simply might loathe the very core of you?
Harold Crick: I'm an IRS agent. Everyone hates me.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Well, that sounds like a comedy!

You're my ambassador of quawn, man.

Rod Tidwell

Jerry Maguire: I started talking to Dennis Wilburn about your re-negotiation this morning.
Rod Tidwell: Talking. Jerry Rice, Andre Reed, Chris Carter... I smell all these fools. They are making the big sweet dollars. They are making the... quan, and you are talking.

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