[interrupts with game-show buzzer sound] eeehhhhh! Time's up! What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants, it's a life time at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And, for defense counsel Kaffee, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women! Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not listen to the advice of the galactically stupid!"Kaffee
Kaffee: Anyway, since we seem to be out of witnesses, I thought I'd drink a little.
Galloway: I still think we can win.
Kaffee: Then maybe you should drink a little.
Kaffee: I get sick when I fly because I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain, I don't think Dramamine'll help.
Lt. Weinberg: I've got some oregano, I hear that works pretty good.
Kaffee: Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat?
Barnes: Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay.
Kaffee: Nobody said anything about a boat.
Barnes: Is there a problem, sir?
Kaffee: No, no problem. I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all.
Galloway: Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the Navy for crying out loud.
Galloway: But my feeling is that if this case is handled in the same fast-food, slick-ass ' Persian Bazaar manner with which you seem to handle everything else, something's gonna get missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I allowed Dawson and Downey to spend any more time in prison than absolutely necessary, because their attorney had pre-determined the path of least resistance.
Kaffee: Wow... I'm sexually aroused, Commander
You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.Col. Jessep
Kaffee: It sounded like you were asking me out on a date.
Galloway: No, I was just...
Kaffee: I've been asked out on dates before, and that's what it sounded like.
Galloway: Do you like seafood? I know a good seafood place.
Kaffee: You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld. It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove! So please, don't tell me what I know, or don't know; I know the LAW.
Galloway: You know nothing about the law. You're a used-car salesman, Daniel. You're an ambulance chaser with a rank. You're nothing. Live with that.
"I strenuously object?" Is that how it works? Hm? "Objection." "Overruled." "Oh, no, no, no. No, I STRENUOUSLY object." "Oh. Well, if you strenuously object then I should take some time to reconsider."Lt. Weinberg
Kaffee: You think I can't subpoena Markinson?
Capt. Ross: You won't find him. Do you know what Markinson did for his first 17 of his 26 years in the corps? Counterintelligence. Markinson is gone. There is no Markinson.
Lt. Weinberg: Cmdr. Galloway, Lt. Kaffee is considered to be the best litigator in our office. He successfully plea bargained 44 cases in 9 months.
Kaffee: One more and I get a set of steak knives.
Kaffee: Joe, if you speak to a client of mine again without my permission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?
Galloway: I had authorization.
Kaffee: From who?
Galloway: Downey's only living relative Ginny Miller his aunt on his mother's side.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?
Galloway: I gave her a call like you asked. She's a very nice woman we spoke for nearly an hour.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny.
Galloway: Perfectly within my providence.
Kaffee: Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? We could hold the trial there. I can sew the costumes. Maybe his Uncle Goober could be the judge.