I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. What a lame-o. Someone really should just put him out of his misery.

Jane Burnham

This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts.

Lester Burnham

If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model.

Angela Hayes

There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life.

Carolyn Burnham

Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!

Carolyn Burnham

Caterer: I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here.
Ricky Fitts: Fine. So don't pay me.
Caterer: Excuse me?
Ricky Fitts: I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone.
Caterer: ...asshole.
Lester Burnham: I think you just became my personal hero!

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

Ricky Fitts

Ricky Fitts: Excuse me for speaking so bluntly sir. But those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out.
Colonel Frank Fitts: [pauses] Well, me too son. Me too.

Lester Burnham: Then I guess I'll have to throw in a sexual harassment charge.
Brad: Against who?
Lester Burnham: Against you. Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?
Brad: Man, you are one twisted fuck.
Lester Burnham: No, Brad. I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.

Angela Hayes: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly!
Ricky Fitts: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.

Buddy Kane: You like getting fucked by the King?
Carolyn Burnham: Fuck me, your majesty!

You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!

Carolyn Burnham

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