Shrek: Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
The Donkey: Wow, only a true friend would be that truely honest.

And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin' outta my butt that day!

Donkey

Wow, that was really scary and if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath STINKS.

Donkey

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha.

Donkey

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
Captain of Guards: Five schillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

This is the part where you run away.

Shrek

Frank: So who do you hang around with?
Dwayne: [shakes head]
Frank: No one?
Dwayne: [writes "I Hate Everyone"]
Frank: What about your family?
Dwayne: [underlines "Everyone"]

Listen to me. I got no reason to lie to you. Don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women, kid. Not just one woman, a lotta women.

Grandpa

Sheryl: He was snorting heroin.
Frank: You were snorting heroin?
Grandpa: [to Dwayne] Let me tell you, don't do that stuff. When you're young, you're crazy to do that shit.
Frank: Well what about you?
Grandpa: What about me? When you're old, you're crazy not to do it.

Richard: Sarcasm is the refuge of losers.
Frank: Really?
Richard: Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level.
Frank: Thank you for opening my eyes to what a loser I am!

Grandpa: So are you gettin' any?
Dwayne: [shakes his head no]
Grandpa: Christ! What are you? 15? You gotta be gettin' that young stuff!

[after finding out he is color blind and can't fly jets] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Dwayne

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