Don't forget, I'm his father. You're just the guy who fucks his mom.Nick Naylor
Jack: I'm going to impale your mom on a spike and feed her dead body to my dog with syphilis.
Brad: Ha, you got me!
You know the guy who can pick up any girl? I'm him. On crack.Nick Naylor
Joey Naylor: Dad, why is the American government the best government?
Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeals system.
That's the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you're never wrong.Nick Naylor
My job requires a certain... moral flexibility.Nick Naylor
Kid #3: My Mommy says smoking kills.
Nick Naylor: Oh, is your Mommy a doctor?
Kid #3: No.
Nick Naylor: A scientific researcher of some kind?
Kid #3: No.
Nick Naylor: Well then she's hardly a credible expert, is she?
Please don't ruin my childhoodJoey Naylor
Jeff Megall: [Talking to Nick on the phone, late at night] Gotta go. London. It's 7 AM in the Old Empire.
Nick Naylor: When do you sleep?
Jeff Megall: [pause] Sunday.
Nick Naylor: Now what we need is a smoking role model. A real winner.
Jeff Megall: Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire.
Nick Naylor: Right, on two packs a day.
My other interviews have pinned you as a mass murderer, blood sucker, pimp, profiteer and my personal favorite, yuppie Mephistopheles.Heather Holloway
Jack: [In Elevator] Did you hear that?
Nick Naylor: [pause] No.