Tiny: Wayne. How you doin'?
Wayne Campbell: Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beetles.
Wayne Campbell: Shitty Beetles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck.
Wayne Campbell: Then it's not just a clever name.

Wayne Campbell: Am I supposed to be a man, am I supposed to say, it's OK, I don't mind. I don't mind. Well I mind! I mind big time? And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.
Cassandra: Is that true?
Wayne Campbell: Yes, everything except the reading part.

Garth Algar: Uhm, Wayne? What do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman, you think you're gonna hurl?
Wayne Campbell: I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

Wayne Campbell: All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat".
Noah Vanderhoff: What?
Wayne Campbell: Exactly.

Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.

Wayne Campbell

Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.

Garth Algar

Princess Leia: The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this. When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic...
Darth Vader: Don't act so surprised, your highness. You weren't on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
Princess Leia: I don't know what you're talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan...
Darth Vader: You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!

Governor Tarkin: Are they away?
Darth Vader: They just made the jump into hyperspace.
Governor Tarkin: And you're sure the homing beacon is secure onboard their ship? I'm taking an awful risk, Vader. This had better work.

And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden rebel base...

Darth Vader

Governor Tarkin: Perhaps she would respond to an alternative form of persuasion.
Darth Vader: What do you mean?
Governor Tarkin: I think it is time we'd demonstrated the full power of this station. Set course for Alderaan.

Obi-Wan: Obi-Wan Kenobi? Obi-Wan... Now, that's a name I haven't heard in a long time... A long time.
Luke: I think my uncle knows him. He said he was dead.
Obi-Wan: Oh, he's not dead... Not yet.
Luke: You know him?
Obi-Wan: Of course I know him: He's me.

Luke: It's a good thing you have these compartments.
Han Solo: Yeah, I use them for smuggling. I'd never thought I'd be smuggling myself in them.

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