Ron Burgundy: [riding unicorns through cartoon Pleasure Town] Look, the most glorious rainbow ever.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh. Do me on it.

Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
[to the Panda]
Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk.

Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.
Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while.

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Ron Burgundy

Napoleon Dynamite: Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now.
Pedro: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Because my uncle Rico's an IDIOT.
Pedro: Do you have anything to give to her?
Napoleon Dynamite: No. Not unless she likes fish.

Deb: I'm trying to earn money for college.
Kip: Your mom goes to college.

Deb: Are they still letting you run for president?
Pedro: Yes. I don't understand... they say you're not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time.

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.

Trisha: Hi, is Napoleon there?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes.
Trisha: Can I talk to him?
Napoleon Dynamite: You already are.

I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.

Napoleon Dynamite

You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bo staff.

Napoleon Dynamite

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