Ray Fremick: Do you go by another name?
Plato: They call me Plato.
Crawford Family Maid: He was a Greek philosopher. They
[Plato turns away]
Crawford Family Maid: You talk nice to the man, John, he's going to help you.
Plato: Nobody can help me.

Jim Stark: Did you make my sandwiches?
Mrs. Carol Stark: There's meatloaf and, peanut butter.
[Jim laughs]
Mrs. Stark, Jim's grandmother: What did I tell you?
[condescendingly]
Mrs. Stark, Jim's grandmother: Peanut butter.
Mrs. Carol Stark: Well there's a thermos of orange juice and apple sauce cake to go with it.
Mrs. Stark, Jim's grandmother: [to Jim] And "I" made that.

Jim Stark: Now, would you like to rent or are you more in the mood to buy, dear?
Judy: You decide, darling. Remember, our budget.
Plato: Oh, don't give it a second thought, it's, uh, only 3 million dollars a month.
Jim Stark: What?
Judy: Oh, we can afford it. I'll scrimp and I'll save and I'll work my fingers to the bone. You see, we're newlyweds... oh, there's just one more thing... what about...
Plato: Children?
Judy: Yes.
Plato: Right this way, mind you, though, we don't encourage them. They're such a bother.
Judy: Oh I quite agree, I just can't stand it when they cry. What do you do with them when they cry?
Jim Stark: [Magoo voice] Drown 'em like puppies, ha!

Some people think the Crucifixion only took place on Calvary. Well, they better wise up!

Father Barry

Plato: I used to lay awake in my crib at night and listen to them fight.
Jim Stark: Can you really remember back that far? I can't even remember what happened yesterday.

First police officer: Get up, get up. Mixed up in that beating on 12th street, huh?
Second police officer: No. Plain drunkenness.

Terry: You know, I seen you a lot of times before. Remember parochial school out on Paluski Street? Seven, eight years ago. Your hair, you had your hair uh...
Edie: Braids.
Terry: Looked like a hunk of rope. And you had wires on your teeth and glasses and everything. You was really a mess.

Buzz Gunderson: Oh he's real abstract. He's hmm, he's different.
Jim Stark: That's right. That's right. I'm cute too.

It's the new small talk. You do it so awfully well.

Freddy Eynsford-Hill

Professor Henry Higgins: How poignant it will be on that inevitable night, when she shows up on my door in tears and rags! Miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite! Shall I take her in, or hurl her to the wolves? Give her kindness, or the treatment she deserves? Will I take her back, or THROW THE BAGGAGE OUT? Well, I'm a most forgiving man. The sort who never could, ever would, take a position and staunchly never budge. A "most" forgiving man... But, I shall NEVER take her back! If she were crawling on her KNEES! Let her promise to atone, let her shiver, let her moan, I'll slam the door and let the hellcat FREEZE! Marry Freddy! HA!
[turns to unlock the door, but stops in despair]
Professor Henry Higgins: But I'm so used to hear her say, "Good morning" every day... Her joys, her woes, her highs, her lows, are second nature to me now, like breathing out and breathing in... I'm very grateful she's a woman, and so easy to forget! Rather like a habit one can always break... And yet... I've grown accustomed to the trace... of something in the air... Accustomed... to her... face.

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

Professor Henry Higgins

She's an owl, sickened by a few days of "my" sunshine.

Professor Henry Higgins

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