Do I laugh now, or wait 'til it gets funny?

Walter Neff

Barton Keyes: Have you made up your mind?
Jackson: Mr. Keyes, I'm a Medford man - Medford, Oregon. Up in Medford, we take our time making up our minds.
Barton Keyes: Well, we're not in Medford now, we're in a hurry.

It's just like the first time I came here, isn't it? We were talking about automobile insurance, only you were thinking about murder. And I was thinking about that anklet.

Walter Neff

Walter Neff: Know why you couldn't figure this one, Keyes? I'll tell ya. 'Cause the guy you were looking for was too close. Right across the desk from ya.
Barton Keyes: Closer than that, Walter.
Walter Neff: I love you, too.

Walter Neff: You'll be here too?
Phyllis: I guess so, I usually am.
Walter Neff: Same chair, same perfume, same anklet?
Phyllis: I wonder if I know what you mean.
Walter Neff: I wonder if you wonder.

Cop663: Since she left, everything in the flat is sad. Everything needed lulling to sleep.
[to a bar of soap]
Cop663: You've lost a lot of weight, you know. You used to be so chubby. Have more confidence in yourself.
[to a threadbare wet dishcloth]
Cop663: You have to stop crying, you know. Where's your strength and absorbency? You're so shabby these days.

We're all unlucky in love sometimes. When I am, I go jogging. The body loses water when you jog, so you have none left for tears.

He Zhiwu, Cop 223

Somehow I've become very cautious. When I put on a raincoat, I put on sunglasses too. Who knows when it will rain, or when it will turn out sunny?

Woman in blonde wig

We split up on April Fool's Day. So I decided to let the joke run for a month. Every day I buy a can of pineapple with a sell-by date of May 1. May loves pineapple, and May 1 is my birthday. If May hasn't changed her mind by the time I've bought thirty cans, then our love will also expire.

He Zhiwu, Cop 223

He Zhiwu, Cop 223: Any canned pineapple that expires on May 1?
Cashier: You know what day it is today?
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: April 30?
Cashier: Right. You think we sell outdated stock?
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: There's still two hours to go.
Cashier: Nobody would buy it. Get a fresh one.
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: People like you are hung up on freshness. You realize what goes into a can of pineapple? The fruit must be grown, harvested, sliced, and you just throw it away! How do you think the can feels about that?
Cashier: Buddy, I only work here. Who cares about how the cans feel? What about how I feel? Loading, more loading, unloading... How I wish cans wouldn't expire! It'd save me loads of work. You like expired cans? Help yourself! As many as you like! On the house!

Do you... like pineapple?

He Zhiwu, Cop 223

[223 leaves the store]
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: Somehow everything comes with an expiry date. Swordfish expires. Meat sauce expires. Even cling-film expires. Is there anything in the world which doesn't?
[223 gives a can of pineapple to a passing street person. The street person looks at the can and throws it on the ground]
Street person: It's expired. Don't want it.
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: You sure?

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