The phone! The phone! Where's the fucking phone?

Beth

When we first started hanging out together, this morning, we were just friends; but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So I am coming, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man - a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her and, yes, have sex with her; but no, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I love it that sometimes for no reason you're late for shul, and I don't care that you're bowlegged and I don't care that you're bilingual - all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I've always wanted you.

Coop

Susie: You guys, I'm really going to miss this place.
Coop: Me too.
Ben: Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Susie: Yeah!
Ben: What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.: You mean ten years from now?
Coop: Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie: Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00? 9:30?
Coop: Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley: Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here by 9:30? I mean, we'll all be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary: Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
Together: Agreed.
McKinley: Good, because I have something at 11:00.
Gary: You just have like a trapper-keeper full of appointments, right?
McKinley: No, I just have something at 11:00, and I can't change it, because I already moved it twice.

Oh, fuck my cock!

Henry

OK, stop. I feel like I'm watching regional theatre, you guys. God! Am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to exercise it. Take a break; think about what you've done.

Susie

Coop: I want you inside me.
Katie: What did you say?
Coop: Oh hey... from before...

Gail: I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because I want you to be guests of honor at our wedding next week!
Beth: Well, I hope it's not jumbo shrimp, because I'm allergic to oxymorons!

Beth: Listen, Henry...
Henry: Please, call me Henry.
Beth: Okay, Henry it is.

Gary: McKinley needs to experience "The Ultimate"!
J.J.: You mean, penis-in-vagina?
Gary: No, dickhead - sex.

Gene: Now finish up them taters; I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.
Gary: Come on. What?
Gene: Finish up the taters.
Gary: And then what did you say?
Gene: And then what did I say?
Gary: You said you were going to... fondle your sweaters.
Gene: Ah, uh - no I didn't. I said... fondue the cheddar... I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight.
Gary: No, Gene, that is not what you said.
Gene: That is what I said. Fondue cheddar.

Gene: You are ready to be taught the new way.
Coop: Will you teach me about this - what is it? A new way?

Before we start, I'd just like to say the campers you're about to see suck dick! But nevertheless, please welcome them.

Susie

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