Bobby: Have you ever seen a horse race before? Have you ever, like, heard one on the radio?
James Brennan: Harness racing or, like, the normal kind?
Paulette: That's a good question.
Bobby: That doesn't really matter. Look, the Kentucky Derby, have you seen the Kentucky Derby? The way they announce it on the radio, and it's really...
Paulette: Yeah, 100, 200, going...
Bobby: That's an auction, sweetie.
Paulette: Right.

James Brennan: Maybe I'm not the right guy to run this game. I really... I think I should probably be on the rides department.
Bobby: Oh, no, no, no. No. You're more of a game guy.
Paulette: Yeah, you're very... you're very gamey.

I am very proud to be an American. I am America's number one douche.

General Aladeen

General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win 4 Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!

A ruby? What am I? A Kardashian?

Megan Fox

General Aladeen: Oh it's a girl. I'm so sorry. Where's the trashcan?
Pregnant Woman: Oh no we want it!

Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
General Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy.

I love being an American.

General Aladeen

Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe... 20 million dollars?

General Aladeen

Carolyn Stoddard: Are you stoned or something?
Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.

Barnabas Collins: How soon can the horses be ready?
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: We don't have horses, we have a Chevy.

Witch, you cursed me to be this hideous creature! You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!

Barnabas Collins

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