Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.

Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

Harry: Hi, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hi, Harry.
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.

If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

Lloyd

Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.
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Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic... Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chi

Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.

Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

Harry

Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

(Expletive), Glee!

Jenko
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  • Added:

Schmidt: You guys called the cops to get your Frisbee out of the pond? Is this really a police matter?
Jenko: [goes to hand Frisbee back to the boy, turns around and throws it back in the pond]
Jenko: Get your own (expletive) Frisbee!

Don't feed the ducks... don't do it!

Jenko

I really thought that was going to explode.

Schmidt

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