Slide: A robbery can change very quickly. You have to be ready to adapt to the situation at any moment. Anything can happen. I was on a job a few days ago and my homie got shot in the face!
Josh: If you get shot in the face, it's over.
Slide: If you get shot in your head, it's over. If you get shot in your face, the bullet will go through your cheek and come out the other side! Then, what you gonna do?
Charlie: Die! We're all gonna die!

Slide: How come you bailed me out? Man, I don't even know your name!
Josh: You don't remember Mrs. Schaltzberg? We used to get dropped at her house every day for daycare! Heavy-set German woman, short goatee.
Slide: You the little seizure boy that's having seizures all the time!
Josh: Asthma doesn't cause seizures!

Charlie: We're not criminals. We don't know how to steal...
Josh: Don't worry. I know someone who does.

Josh: The average apartment in the Tower costs 5.6 million dollars. We have the best views, the most advanced security systems, but you know what these people are really buying?
Rick: White neighbors?

Gracie: Get off of me! I thought you were gay!
Neil Patrick Harris: I am gay...gay for that!

Who are those guys?

Kid at Party

I'll Skype you later, or text you later. Or both at the same time!

Todd

Kumar: How are you still alive?
Neil Patrick Harris: What are you talking about?
Harold: We saw you get shot, remember?
Neil Patrick Harris: You have to be more specific...
Kumar: In that whore house?
Harold: In Texas?
Kumar: You branded a prostitute...
Harold: Remember?
Neil Patrick Harris: Oh yeah...

I shot Santa Claus in the face. He's real, and I shot him in the face.

Harold

Kumar: Those kids put something in here.
Harold: Is it drugs? Is it semen?
Kumar: Doesn't taste like semen...

Henry: How old are you? In real time?
Will: 28.
Henry: I'm 105. Does it show? The day comes when you've had enough. Your mind can be spent even if your body's not.
Will: That's your problem? You've been alive too long? Have you ever known anyone who's died?
Henry: For a few to be immortal, many must die.
Will: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Henry: You really don't know, do you? Everyone can't live forever, where would we put them? Why do you think there are time zones? Why to you think taxes and prices go up the same day in the ghetto? The cost of living keeps rising to make sure people keep dying. How else could there be men with a million years almost from day to day? The truth is, there's more than enough. No one has to die before their time. If you had as much time as I have, what would you do with it?
Will: If I had all that time, I sure as hell wouldn't waste it.

Will: Four minutes for a cup of coffee?
Will's Friend: Yesterday it was three!
Coffee worker: You want coffee or you want to reminisce?

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