I have purchased a firearm.


I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.


I'm here to bang the hot guy who hit on me at the bar.


The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.


I'm going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it?


Having children, is, it's like living with little mini drug addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute, and then they're crying the next, and then they're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and they burn through your money and they break sh-.


General Patton has said that wars are fought with weapons but are won by men. Our goal is to create the greatest army in history. But every army begins with one man. He will be the first in a new breed of super-soldier. We are going to win this war because we have the best men. And they, personally, will escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Steve Rogers / Captain America: That wasn't so bad...
Dr. Abraham Erskine: That was the penicillin.

Red Skull: "What makes you so special?"
Steve Rogers: "Nothing. I'm just a kid from Brooklyn."

Dr. Abraham Erskine: "Are you ready?"
Steve Rogers: "Is it too late to go to the bathroom?"

Steve Rogers: "I know you don't think I can do this..."
Bucky Barnes: "This isn't a backyard, Steve, it's a war!"

Peggy Carter: "How do you feel?"
Steve Rogers: "Taller."

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