I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.


I wish monkeys could skype.


Mr. Chow: Did you die?
Phil: No, but i was shot.
Mr. Chow: But did you die?

Stu: I'm part of some weird wolf pack.
Alan: Hey, it's not weird. It's really quite cool, there's no membership fee.

"What is this a P.F. Chang's?"


We're the 3 best friends that anybody could have.
We're the 3 best friends that anyone could have, we're the 3 best friends that anyone can have and we'll never never ever ever ever leave each other."

Alan [singing]

"When a monkey nibbles on a weenis, it's funny in any language."


"We made a pact, Wolfpack only."

Alan [to Teddy]

"I have a demon in me."


"All I wanted was a breakfast brunch."


Stu: "You got shot!"
Phil: "Am I gonna be ok? You're a doctor."
[Stu looks at the gunshot wound and screams]

Phil: Chow! What are you doing here?
Alan: He's my plus one
Chow: We had a sick night bitches

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