Phil: "It happened again."
Tracy: "Seriously, what is wrong with you three?"

Phil: "Stu Come on, Get up. We got a situation"
Stu: "Where are we"
Phil: "You're gonna freak out, but its gonna be ok."
[Stu checks mirror and screams]
"This is a real tattoo!"
Stu: "Alan what did you do? Did you roofie me?
Alan: I didn't do anything

All right, time's up. Time to sit down, buddy.

"Hey Everybody Here's some fun facts The population of Thailand is 63 million people It is twice the size of Wyoming None of you know Stu like I do I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made pact What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ..." Phil

I hear a rumor. Jack Sparrow is in London, hellbent to find the Fountain of Youth.

Joshamee Gibbs

There'll be dangers along the way, firstly mermaids, zombies, Blackbeard.

Captain Jack Sparrow

Gentlemen, the fountain is the prize. Mermaid waters, that be our path.

Captain Hector Barbossa

Angelica: I am starting to think you don't know where you are going.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Its not the destination so much as the journey.

Captain Jack Sparrow: The fountain of youth, what does it require?
Angelica: A Mermaid, Jack.

Angelica: That's hardly appropriate for the first mate.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Was I the first?

Captain Jack Sparrow: Have you been there?
Captain Teague: Does this face look like it's been to the fountain of youth?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Depends on the light.

Angelica: What were you doing in a Spanish Convent, anyway?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Mistook it for a brothel. Honest mistake.

You know that feeling you get when you're standing in a high place with a sudden urge to jump? I don't have it.

Captain Jack Sparrow

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