If you had a sister and a dog, I'd choose the dog.

Captain Jack Sparrow

How is it we can never meet without you pointing something at me?


Guard: Are you the real Jack Sparrow?
Captain Jack Sparrow: There should be a Captain in there somewhere.

Captain Jack Sparrow: Captain, I wish to report a mutiny! I can name fingers and point names.
Blackbeard: No need, Mr. Sparrow. They are sheep. You, their Shepherd.

If I don't kill a man once in awhile, they forget who I am.


Did everyone see that? Because I will *not* be doing it again.

Captain Jack Sparrow

You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?

Captain Jack Sparrow

Helen: Oh my God, you got food poisoining from that restaurant, didn't you.
Annie: No, I had the same thing that she had and I feel fine.
[As Becca starts to feel sick and attempts to control pucking]

I am ready to parrrtyyy.


You are total catch. Any guy would by psyched to be your man. You should just make room for someone who is nice to you.


[shouting] We all got the flu. Such a coincidence.


Annie: You are going along with your life and you look around and you notice like Ohh. I am in my 30's, I am 40,000 dollar in debt. I live with a weirdo.
Lillian: You have a super creepy roommate.

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