Rattlesnake Jake: [after Beans refuses to sign a deed] Sign the damn paper!
Beans: Go to Hell!
Rattlesnake Jake: [wraps Beans in his coils and suspends her upside down] Where do you think I come from?

Stay in school, eat your veggies, and burn all the books that ain't Shakespeare.

Rango

The name's Rango.
[crowd gasp]

Rango

Rango: So you want something to believe in?
[points at the "Sheriff" sign]
Rango: Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there we've got hope.

Girl: I'd love to try everything once.
Rick: Skydiving
Girl: Skinny dipping in the Indian Ocean....
Rick: Sleep with a married guy....

Friend: Are you sure Applebee's is the best place to meet hot women?
Rick: You thinking Olive Garden?

Coakley: We're going to run my favorite play. Starts with a p. And ends with an *ssy.
Fred: What is it?

Grace: What the hell is wrong with you two? You are completely obsessed with sex! This morning you left the computer on g*ng***gf*c*b*th.com!
Fred: I get my weather from that site.

Fred: You know what I love about divorcees? ...They love sex.
Rick: Is that true?
Fred: I don't know... I'd like to think so.
Rick: You would like to think that.

Coakley: That girl in the black is checking you out.
Fred: The one who looks like the chief from Cuckoo's Nest?
Coakley: No, the one sitting next to her.

Rick: How about her?
Coakley: No, the tall blonde surrounds herself with a less attractive women to make herself look good.
Rick: Really?
Coakley: [as he moves his hands] Check this out. Hot, not.
Rick: That's awesome. You're like A Beautiful Mind.

[Fred is moaning, the male cop knocks on the window]
Male Cop: Are you okay?
Grace: Don't worry. This isn't what it looks like.
Fred: Yeah, it isn't.
Grace: I was giving him a faux-job.
Male Cop: A faux-job?
Female Cop: Yeah, that's when a woman goes south on a man but she doesn't use her mouth. So she uses her hands and makes noises.
Fred: Wait, what?

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