Mary: Do you have a nickel?
Frankie Valli: Yeah.
Mary: Call your mother, you're going to be home late.

[about Bob Crewe] I remember thinking there was something off with this guy. This was 1959, people thought Liberace was just theatrical.

Bob Gaudio

[to Tommy DeVito and the other group members, after losing his virginity in a Chicago hotel room at Christmas] You were right. It is better with another person.

Bob Gaudio

Dr. Lewis Meldman: May I ask you a question doctor, and I don’t mean to be insensitive. But, does Dr. Pinchelow has Aspergers?
Lloyd Christmas: Probably, I know he doesn’t wipe very well.

Lloyd Christmas: You guys wanna play he who smelt it?
Travis: What's that?
Harry Dunne: It's complicated so pay attention.
Lloyd Christmas: We put the windows up, first one who smells the fart gets a point.
Harry Dunne: If you say who dealt it, double points!
Travis: I don’t want to play that!
Harry Dunne: Ok fine. Lloyd and I will play one on one.
Lloyd Christmas: Ya!
Travis: How can you play one on one? If you smell a fart and you didn't do it, isn't it obvious the other guy did?
Lloyd Christmas: I thought you said you never played before?

Lloyd Christmas: Who's the astronaut?
Harry Dunne: Oh, that's my roommate.

She's got me, she's really clamping down!

Lloyd Christmas

Dr. Pichlow: I know she'll appreciate all you've gone through to find her. Let's call her.
Harry Dunne: It's ringing!
Lloyd Christmas: [Answering a pink phone] Whoever this is, we're in the middle of something very important here.
Harry Dunne: This is your dad.
Lloyd Christmas: What? Hey guys, I know this is weird timing but I gotta take this. It's my dead dad.
Harry Dunne: She's got me on hold.

Harry Dunne: It's a postcard from Fraida Felcher. 'Harry, I'm pregnant. Please call me.'
Lloyd Christmas: What do you think it means, Harry?

You can cross that one off your bucket list.

Mrs. Stainer

Harry Dunne: That's Butthole. I found him out in the alley.
Lloyd Christmas: Why did you name him Butthole?
Harry Dunne: 'Cause of this.
Lloyd Christmas: Good name. Totally fits.

Lloyd Christmas: Why don't you roll me inside. We can get the nurse to get the catheter out of me.
Harry Dunne: We don't need nurses for that.
Lloyd Christmas: But don't you have to...

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