Phil Wenneck: The best little chapel... Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Dr. Valsh: Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!

Stu Price: She's got my grandmother's Holocaust ring!
Alan Garner: I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.

Old Timer at Gas Station: This is one sweet ride.
[commenting on the Mercedes as Alan is pumping the gas]
Alan Garner: Don't touch it. Don't even look at it. Don't look at me.
[the old man walks away]
Alan Garner: That's right. You better walk on. I'll hit an old man in public!

Alan Garner: There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
Phil Wenneck: [phil walks into the bathroom, then hurries out] Holy fuck he's not kidding. There's a tiger in the bathroom!

Hey you guys ready to let the dogs out?

Alan Garner

That's my grandma's ring. She made it all the way through the holocaust with that thing. It's legit.

Stu Price

Alan Garner: [after learning the hotel room they had reserved only had 2 beds] Two beds is enough, we can share for a night. I'll bunk with Phil. That cool with you?
Phil Wenneck: No.

[repeatedly singing] And we're the three best friends that anyone could have!

Alan Garner

Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child!

Stu Price

Hey man I can be your Doug!

Black Doug

Stu Price: We don't want to call attention to ourselves!
Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Attention! Attention!

Phil Wenneck: God damn it!
Alan Garner: Gosh darn it!
Phil Wenneck: Shit!
Alan Garner: Shoot!

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