Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic.

Alan Garner

I was drowning and she pulled me out of the ocean.


Margaret Tate: I can't swim!
Andrew Paxton: Hence, the boat!

You can do this, but you have to stop eating babies while they dream.

Andrew Paxton

Margaret, will you marry me? Because I'd like to date you.

Andrew Paxton

Margaret Tate: What am I allergic to?
Andrew Paxton: Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion.

Colin: You look great!
Abby Richter: Oh, just doing the dishes.

Mark: When my grandfather died, there was one candle next to his bed. And the candle started flickering. We all thought it was him going to Heaven, you know?
Leo: You don't pass through fire to get to Heaven. I think he went to Hell.

George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.

Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: [surprised] Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.

Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.
Zed: Ha. Not your choice!

I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.


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