Get off my lawn!

Walt Kowalski

Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have messed with? That's me

Walt Kowalski

Your wedding better watch it!


Your wedding will be huge... just like your ass at prom!


Couscous - the food so nice they named it twice.

Dale Denton

Matheson: You know you gonna die, right?
Saul: Yeah.
Matheson: I'm gonna kill the fuck out of you! I hope you enjoy these last seventeen minutes of your life.

I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute.


Saul: Sick! You threw up in my printer!
Dale Denton: I did.
Saul: You break it?
Dale Denton: I hope not.

Mr. Edwards: Oh, yeah, Clark's a great guy. He'll take good care of Angie.
Dale Denton: You know what, why don't you go fuck yourself, you weird little prick?
Mr. Edwards: Hey, I'm a teacher! You can't say that to me!
Dale Denton: Yeah? Well, I'm not a student here, so I can say whatever the fuck I want, you cheap little bastard!

There's a fly in the ointment, shits hittin' the fan, the lion will speak!


Dale Denton: Yeah, except if you're a dick your whole life, you're going to come back as shit. Or a slug or a fuckin' anal bead. But if you do something heroic, then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or fuckin' Jude Law. Now which would you rather be, an anal bead or a dragon?
Red: Mmm... probably the anal bead... depending on who it belongs to.
Dale Denton: It belongs to me.

When my foot was in the hole - and my groin - man, I felt like a wishbone.


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