You think it's a Schwinn!

Chad Feldheimer

[to Bertram about his ability to see ghosts] Everybody needs something done and you're the only person who can see or hear us.

Frank Herlihy

Bertram Pincus: I was dead and now they brought me back. I can..I can..
Frank Herlihy: The dead have a lot of unfinished business, which is why we're still here.

Jeff Portnoy: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
Kirk Lazarus: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
Jeff Portnoy: How the hell do you know Chinese?
Kirk Lazarus: Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.

Tugg Speedman: Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
[cocks his gun]
Alpa Chino: "Viet Cong!"
Tugg Speedman: What?
Alpa Chino: It's "viet cong." There's no "s," it's already plural. You wouldn't say "Chineses..."

Cockburn, from now on my fist is going to be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring...

Les Grossman

Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy. So why don't you get the hell out of here before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass...

Les Grossman

Sean Jones: I've never flown on a plane before.
Neville Flynn: See? Things are looking up already.

Oh Great. Snakes on crack!

Neville Flynn

Ken: [while examining bite wound on Leroy's buttocks] Okay, looks like the venom has to be sucked out.
[Looks around]
Ken: Anyone? Ok, fine. I'll do it.
Big Leroy: [pushes Ken away] Oh, there will be no sucking! Get this guy away from my ass!

[to 3Gs, about her dog] My Doctor says she's Bipolar.

Mercedes Harbont

[Comforting her dog, insulting the Englishman] Don't worry, Mary-Kate. His hair plugs can't hurt you.

Mercedes Harbont

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