If you listen to DMX, the baby comes out goin 'Ennngghhh!

Oscar

[as she enters the hospital, about to go into labor] It feels like I'm shitting a knife!

Angie Ostrowiski

The eyes are the nipples of the face.

Shelley

Yes, I think I'll have the mahi-mahi, but can I get it with just one mahi?

Shelley

Shelley: [puts on Natalie's glasses] God, you need to go to the eye doctor!
Natalie: I did. That's where I got my glasses.

Natalie: Shelley knows how to meet guys, hence, we will learn how to meet guys.
Shelley: Yeah, hence!

My heart is pounding like a nail!

Shelley

Alpa Chino: [watching Tugg reenact Simple Jack] Damn. And I thought the movie was bad.
Kirk Lazarus: Well to give the man credit, he has eased up on the retard a bit.

Les Grossman: What you gotta do is pull down their pants and spank their ass, you spank it.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: You spank that ass Les!

Kirk Lazarus: Action Jackson can't cry, that's what's going down.
Tugg Speedman: You know what Kirk, I'm ready to do the scene!
Kirk Lazarus: Now it's time to flip the script! I'm gonna have to wait till Chinese New Year for my man to cry.

We wearin' Earth Mamma's natural night camo.

Kirk Lazarus

Let's face it, the kids aren't exactly dressing up as The Scorcher for Purim anymore.

Les Grossman

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