Korean Mother: Ling Ling. You forgot lunch, baby bie. Chicken back with five vegetable, bulgogi and kim chee.
Ling Ling: [embarassed] Thanks... mom.
Korean Mother: Ok. You all learn real good now!

You can put your weed in there.

Bongo Player

I wish my momma bought me some bling-bling.


Clive (in Jessica's body): I'll make you a deal. You just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, OK. Then, I'll give you your body back because it soooo important to you.
Clive (in Jessica's body): Waa waa I'm crying about my body... And then, you can just loan it to me every other weekend so I can pay off some gambling debts.

Out of all the Korean liquor stores, why did my dad have to walk into that one?

Ling Ling

Ling Ling, you forgot your bling bling.

Korean Mother

[after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!

Jessica (in Clive's body)

Jessica (in Clive's body): Hildenburg, I'm sorry I humiliated you in front of the whole school and the visiting eighth graders, but you have no idea what it's like... to wake up every morning... and have to shave your chin.
Hildenburg: [crying] Yes, I do.

April: So... do you really have a penis?
Jessica (in Clive's body): I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
April: Can I see it?
Jessica (in Clive's body): April!
April: Sorry... can I see it?
[Jessica gives April a dirty look]
April: Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.

[after kissing April] I am so lesbian right now.

Jessica (in Clive's body)

The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.

Jake Green

Jesus Paul! Why don't you just fucking rape me?


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