[opening lyrics] A long ass fucking time ago, in a town called Kickapoo, there lived a humble family religious through and through. But yay, there was a black sheep, And he knew just what to do. His name was young JB and he refused to step in line. A vision he did see of fucking rocking all the time. He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align.

JB

JB: Kyle's fingers be silver.
KG: Jack's voice then be gold.
JB, KG: But lest you think we're vain.
JB: We know you're all robots and we don't care! Tenacious D! We reign! Supreme, Oh, God! Burrito supreme, and a chicken supreme, and a cutlass supreme.

JB: What's it gonna be Kyle? You have to decide... Tits... or Destiny.
KG: [Lifting up his shirt] Tits.

KG: Gimme a powerslide. Full throttle.
JB: sssshhhhh...
[Hissing while performing a horrible powerslide]
KG: How did that feel?
JB: Really good. How did it look?
KG: Amazing... ly bad.

J.D.: [bringing a box of videos to Judith] Hey, I brought you some more videos. You've got your choice: porno's or monster trucks. Oh, and I got one that's both.

Judith: I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.
Wayne: I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power drill.
J.D.: It's true!

[to Wayne] There is no right girl for you! And if you've already met her, she's probably either killed herself, or become a lesbian.

Judith

Darren: I don't think I'm gonna be real comfortable with these things on my nipples.
Wayne: I can put 'em on your balls.
Darren: The nipples are fine. Nipples work.

Judith: Have you ever had a girlfriend?
J.D.: Yes... No!
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?
J.D.: Which man?
Judith: Any man!
J.D.: You mean like a tall man?
Judith: Sure, whatever!
J.D.: 'Cause I don't like tall people, they bother me!
Judith: What about a short man?
J.D.: How short? Some times people can be too short, that's weird like midgets!
Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?
J.D.: Does that include celebrities?

Wayne: Our enemy is wicked, so...
J.D.: Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
Wayne: Damien.
J.D.: Dude, she's Vader.
Wayne: No! She's the Emperor.
J.D.: Yeah, but with really great tits.
Wayne: Ok, now Sandy, that girl, she's a real nice girl.
J.D.: Ah, yeah.
Wayne: She's a sweetheart.
J.D.: Dude, a saint.
Wayne: A goddess.
J.D.: A princess.
Wayne: No what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.

She used her super-intellect on me! She's like Hanibal Lecter.

J.D.

Darren: You're a lot stronger then you were in high school.
Sandy: Yeah, well, the convent's got a great gym.

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