Wayne: So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
Coach Norton: Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining
J.D.: God! What is their PROBLEM?
I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.Darren
J.D.: Dude, what does a mime look like when he's having sex anyway? Probably like,
[making obscene gestures with his hands]
J.D.: 'I'm a mime! I'm a mime!' Ha ha ha!
Wayne: Dude, mime's don't talk.
J.D.: They do when they're off duty.
J.D.: Do you want anything to drink?
Judith: Scotch on the rocks
J.D.: Do you want ice with that?
J.D.: Die, replacement-friends!
Wayne: Eat this, Fake Wayne!
Coach Norton: By the way, did you boys take care of that bitch that was gonna marry Silverman?
Wayne: Uhh yeah, yeah we snuffed that broad just like ya said
Coach Norton: Good, how'd ya do it?
Wayne: We um...
J.D.: Ate her...
Coach Norton: You ate her?
Wayne: Yea, we ate her
Coach Norton: My hat goes off to you, you boys are smart, that's the perfect crime.
Wayne: So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.
Judith: That's right.
Wayne: I'm in a related field.
Judith: Really? What is it?
Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.
Judith: How is that related?
Wayne: We both help people.
Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges!Judith
I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.Brennan Huff
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.Dale Doback
I just fell off a *donkey*!!!Tibby
Tibby: Are you sure it was a real one?
Brian McBrian: Yes, I'm sure! My uncle gave it to me for graduation, I was saving it.
Tibby: For two years?!