Shaun! I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares 'cause I gave you an A!

Mr. Burke

Bud Brumder: You know your son was being a real brat today, a real pain in the ass.
Cindy: My son.
Bud Brumder: He said I was selfish. He said that everything's always about me.
Cindy: He called me a drama queen, said I was trying to sabotage him.

Bud Brumder: What is that smell? What am I sitting in?
Cindy: Relax. It's just urine.
Bud Brumder: Oh.

So I married Bob, for you! I had sex with Bob four times for you! So how can you call me a bad mother?


You think you're going to create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourself!


Shaun: What are you doing lying there?
Lance: Oh, my parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine... can I score some of your piss?
Shaun: Yeah.
Lance: Awesome, man.

[Exhales at his ex-wife] I need a drink. Do you have any beer, Coyote Ugly?

Bud Brumder

Shaun: Lance, I want you to stay in your room.
Lance: Why?
Shaun: Because you're an embarrassment.
Lance: OK!

SEAN! You're my same height, that is neat.


Look Shaun, I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford. But if you think that going here is the only way that you can be the person you want to be, well then I just feel sorry for you.


Shaun: Mom, you know money can't buy happiness...
Cindy: Oh grow up, yes it can!
Shaun: But you and Dad have money and you're both miserable.
Cindy: ...He's miserable?

Principal Harbert: People, June is just around the corner, let's talk graduation speakers. Ideas?
Shaun: Toni Morrison, she's in town that same weekend for a book signing. She's won the Nobel Prize.
Principal Harbert: Interesting... Dana, didn't you say you have a cousin who was friends with Britney spears?

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