Eric: We could be walking through an ancient graveyard right now, like a bone depository or something.
Stacy: I doubt that.
[Eric mimics Stacy to himself]
Stacy: Did you just mimic me?
Eric: No, no I was just agreeing with you.

Jeff: People come from all over the world just to see these ruins, especially one that's not on the map. I'm not taking you to some tourist trap, honey. Don't you want to have some experience or something to shoot other than the beach, the pool, the beach, the pool?
Amy: Well, you're already dressed, so you might as well go without me.
Jeff: Hey, but I don't want to go without you.

Amy: [while drunk] Jeff used to play the trombone in high school.
Jeff: Thank you for sharing that with everyone.

Uncle Albert: [lovingly] Your thighs look like warm cottage cheese someone threw up on the sidewalk.
Aunt Lucille Adams: And you've always had a tiny penis.
Uncle Albert: Well, what does it matter when you're in love?

Uncle Albert: Oh I love you, my wife.
Person at funeral: Sir, that isn't your wife.
Uncle Albert: Who's is it then?
Person at funeral: It is his.
Uncle Albert: Give me five minutes.

I'm not wearing any diamonds!

Rick Riker

Uncle Albert: With great power comes... ow!
Rick Riker: Great responsibility? Try to breathe!
Uncle Albert: I can't. You're kneeling on my balls!

A is for Axiom, your home sweet home. B is for Buy N Large, your very best friend.

Teacher Robot

Pissed Off Fat Guy: You know? Somebody should sue you!
Hancock: You know what? You should sue McDonalds, cuz they fucked you up!

[to Rachel] You know that day you once told me about, when Gotham would no longer need Batman? It's coming.

Bruce Wayne

[to Batman] I don't want to kill you. You complete me.

The Joker

Where is Harvey Dent!? I'll settle for his love ones...

The Joker

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