My mom told me Florida was so sunny and gorgeous, that everybody in America wanted to live there. Everybody except me. And as usual, I was out-voted.

Roy Eberhardt

[about Dana, after Roy broke his nose]
Roy Eberhardt: I wrote him a note, that should be the end of it.
Garrett: A note? That's adorable. What did you say? "I'm sorry I smoked you. Please don't break every bone in my body. Please leave me one good arm so I can feed myself"?
Roy Eberhardt: You're hysterical.

Mother Paula's is going to be a shining example of my six-point economic development plan, bringing to Coconut Cove over *twelve* new jobs!


You've got to start thinking like an outlaw!

Mullet Fingers

Beatrice Leep: Hey, cowgirl.
Roy Eberhardt: Yeah?
Beatrice Leep: I'm really glad that... You know what, I'm just gonna call you "Roy" from now on. If that's all right with you.
Roy Eberhardt: And what's wrong with Ling Ho?
[She laughs and hits him with a pillow]

Roy Eberhardt: We've got to stop this construction once and for all.
Mullet Fingers: We're the only ones who care.
Roy Eberhardt: We're the only ones that know!

With desire, focus, and the willingness to treat every obstacle as an opportunity, it's amazing what you can accomplish.


Follow your heart and don't question it, no matter where it tells you to go... It will open up a world of experiences you can't even imagine.


Diane: Did you have fun tonight honey?
Mini: What? My first night turning tricks? Could have been better.
Diane: That's nice.

Do I really look like I want to go to fucking Buffalo?

Laurel Pearson

I missed dinner last night because I got drunk with little Irish people.

Frank Falenczyk

Laurel Pearson: What are you thinking about, sitting there all serious?
Frank Falenczyk: My shortcomings.
Laurel Pearson: Women don't even pay attention to that.

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