[to Amy's ex-boyfriend] You're the guy that popped Amy's cherry!

Meredith Morton

Ben Stone: You were shovelling snow.
Meredith Morton: I... What?
Ben Stone: You were just a little girl in a flannel night gown. And you were shovelling snow from the walk in front of our house. And I was the snow, I was the snow. And everywhere it landed and everywhere it covered. You scoop me up with a big red shovel. You scoop me up.

Ben Stone: I'd want a little black baby.
Everett Stone: You already have a little black baby.
Ben Stone: Can ya dig it!

Calm down. You've been drinking Cokes all day.

Ben Stone

John Trousdale: First thing's first: Who's Amy making out with in the ambulance?

Meredith Morton: What's so great about you guys?
Sybil Stone: Uh, nothing... it's just that we're all that we've got.

We will try to welcome her back in, like a *civilized* family might.

Kelly Stone

Hey! I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!

Ben Stone

Sybil Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: Yes, those are mushrooms.
Patrick Thomas: Isn't Everett allergic to mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: He is?
Ben Stone: OK, what we got going on over here? Santa's workshop. Er... OK, wha-what can I do to be of service Meredith, wha-what can I do?
Meredith Morton: Oh, well... I think I'm all set. Everett had to run some errands in town, then he and Thad are going to meet Julie's bus...
Ben Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: I DIDN'T KNOW!

Sybil Stone: He's gonna ask me for that ring...
Susannah Stone: Mom, *enough* about the ring.

Emma Dinsmore: What's your book about?
Alex: It's the story of a man who's frightened of commitment yet so desperately in love with a woman he's afraid it might kill him. It's a comedy.

I can't figure out what's worse, having to know every single detail of your desperate love for some other woman, or having to know that you obviously didn't even come close to feeling the same way about me.

Emma Dinsmore

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