Never send a man to do a woman's job.

Vivian Wood

Roger Corwin: You're very good. With your hands. I could use someone like you on my staff.
Alex: Thanks for the offer but my hands aren't going anywhere near your staff.

The Chad... is stuck.


Eric Knox: So where we going, House of Pancakes or The Sizzler?
Vivian Wood: What are you, the cheapest man on the planet?

Chad: Is it the eggs?
Dylan: It's not the eggs.
Chad: Is it the boat?
Dylan: No, it's not the boat, I have to go though.
Chad: Is it the Chad?
Dylan: It might be the Chad.
Chad: The Chad... It's the Chad!
[Chad falls into the water]

Chad: Starfish, I would just like to say that I'm honored, honored to see you taking an interest in my work and I also think you're very pretty and... (sees girls getting scuba gear on) Starfish? Where are you going? Starfish are you going swimming? Where are you going? Where are you going again Starfish? Was it the Chad?
Dylan: No the Chad was great.
Chad: The Chad was great.

[one of Alex's muffins is embedded in the door]
Bosley: What do you call this?
Dylan: Chinese fighting muffin.
Bosley: That's not funny. A friend of mine took a fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags.

Charlie: Good morning, angels.
Dylan, Natalie, Alex: Good morning, Charlie!

I read somewhere, the reason most relationships break down is that each partner is waiting for the other to fix it. But if you want somebody to stand by you always, you have to be willing to do the same for them, even when they're acting like an idiot.


You didn't get pregnant with your legs closed!

Childbirth Instructor

Angus: Mom, what'd you mean when you said Dorian was your favorite?
Mrs. Lever: Oh, Angus, I love you both.
[Holds thumb and forefinger an inch apart]
Mrs. Lever: It's a difference of *this* much.

You don't wanna talk you wanna poke dents on my baby's head!


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