Dorian: I'd like to be the father-to-be.
Sally: You can't be the father and the brother! That's the kind of thing that messes kids up!

Sally: I've always dreamed of being a big hit singer.
Dorian: Oh, can you sing?
Sally: No, that's why they call them dreams.

Dignan: Here are just a few of the key ingredients: dynamite, pole vaulting, laughing gas, choppers - can you see how incredible this is going to be? - hang gliding, come on!

Son of a bitch! Anthony! Anthony! Bob's gone. He stole his car! He flew the coop while we were sleepin'!


Jack, I'm 26 years old, I didn't run away from home.


Anthony: Why aren't you over there right now?
Dignan: Because we're fugitives... and he fired me.

Grace: When are you coming home?
Anthony: I can't come home, Grace, I'm an adult.

Anthony: Which part of Mexico are you from?
Inez: Paraguay.

Anthony: Fact: Dignan, the picture's not doing it for me right now.
Dignan: Well does the fact that I'm trying to do it do it for you?

One morning, over at Elizabeth's beach house, she asked me if I'd rather go water-skiing or lay out. And I realized that not only did I not want to answer THAT question, but I never wanted to answer another water-sports question, or see any of these people again for the rest of my life.


Guy in bathroom: Hey, you're in the Army, yes?
Dignan: No, I just have short hair.

Pointless act! You don't give a 500 dollar tip to the housekeeper! That's inappropriate! That's inexcusable! That, I don't forgive! What were you thinking? What were you thinking?


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