When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables... but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine.

Maria Kelly

Ritchie: Will you stop it? You're being the mayor of Pussytown!
Jack Wyatt: I don't want to be the mayor of Pussytown!
Ritchie: I want you to get out there and be the sheriff of Ballsville!

Jack Wyatt: [takes a drink of something Uncle Arthur has just made in the blender] This tastes awful!
Uncle Arthur: I know. I just like to blend.

Do you want the long version or the short version? And I have to warn you, the long version is in Aramaic.

Uncle Arthur

Isabel Bigelow: Guess what? I'm a witch!
Jack Wyatt: Guess what? I'm a Clippers fan!

Jack Wyatt: How would you like to be on a television show?
Isabel Bigelow: An actress?
Jack Wyatt: Yeah, if *I* can act, *you* can act.
Book Soup Cafe Waitress: Amen.
Jack Wyatt: [to girl] You know what? I think those people over there just finished their plate of *hummus*.

For those who live between Broadway and Grandville, between the ages of 11 and 12 who are free on Sundays and Tuesdays, this is the big leagues.

Buck Weston

Hey, look who's here. Two of my favorite people, and Phil.

Buck Weston

What is it called when you almost win? Oh yeah yeah yeah...losing.

Buck Weston

You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!

Phil Weston

Hmmm, what is that haunting aroma.

Phil Weston

I am angry. I mean I am spitting angry. I'm like a tornado of anger, swirling about.

Phil Weston

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