If I were here to kill you, you would already be dead.

Mr. Earl Brooks

Mr. Smith: What are we doing here, tonight?
Mr. Earl Brooks: We drive around until we see someone we think we might enjoy killing...
Mr. Smith: Can it be somebody that I know?
Mr. Earl Brooks: [laughs] No. You never kill someone you know. It's the easiest way to get caught.

[of Mr. Smith] Even if that guy was charming and funny, I still wouldn't like him.

Marshall

Let the police put Jane in jail. Hopefully that will save her. And we can happily go on with our tortured lives.

Marshall

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannont change, the courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Mr. Earl Brooks

Before I was the Thumbprint Killer, Mr. Smith, I killed a lot of people in a lot of different ways.

Mr. Earl Brooks

Don't kid yourself, Earl. You're going to kill again.

Marshall

I don't enjoy killing, Mr. Smith. I do it because I'm addicted to it.

Mr. Earl Brooks

You always want to invest in things people can't do without. Water and cemeteries... pretty safe bets.

Mr. Earl Brooks

Melanie Carmichael: [gets up to leave] Jake, I can't do this.
Jake: [grabs her arm so she faces him] I know.
[they kiss]
Jake: [eventually pulling away] Go home, Mel.

Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?

Jake

Guys just get a stick, lets play some pool, alright? And if ya can't find a cue just pull the one shoved up her ass.

Bobby Ray

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