You can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean.

Earl Smooter

You dumb stubborn redneck hick.

Melanie Carmichael

Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar.

Melanie Carmichael

[whispering in the dark] Donna. Oh, I've missed you.

Richard Fenton

Three years ago... a high school teacher got obsessed with a female student... He went psycho!... He's been in a maximum security prision until three days ago.

Officer Shawn

Officer Shawn: [on the phone, about Donna] Where is she?
Officer: She's at her senior prom.
Officer Shawn: [about Richard Fenton] He escaped from jail!

Chloe: You remember that time you stole that monkey and put it in Rosenberg's dorm room?
Kumar Patel: Had I known that the monkey had AIDS I never would have done that.

[to Lawrence] You spend $50 on dinner, that's grounds for intercourse.

Chuck Wetherhold

Jack Payne: You know what they say is the first thing that a man feels when he shoots a civilian?
Bob Lee Swagger: The recoil of the rifle?
Jack Payne: [snickers] Yeah.
Bob Lee Swagger: Very original.

Bob Lee Swagger: Suppose I was looking for man who could make a 2200 yard cold bore shot, who's alive that could do that?
Mr. Rate: Seems I heard about a shot like that being made not too long ago, said the guy's name was Bob Lee Swagger. Never met him my end, so I wouldn't know.
Bob Lee Swagger: Ya, they said that alright.
Mr. Rate: They also said that artificial sweeteners were safe, WMDs were in Iraq and Anna Nicole married for love.

Louis Dobbler: You can kill him from that far away?
Bob Lee Swagger: At a mile and a half the bullet's gonna strike with more energy than a .44 magnum, point blank. Yeah, I think you can kill him.

Bob Lee Swagger: I don't really like the President much. Didn't like the one before that, much, either.
Colonel Isaac Johnson: You like the idea of the President, living in a free country. Do we allow America to be ruled by thugs?
Bob Lee Swagger: Sure, some years we do.

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