I just got a shipment of Pineapple Express, the dopest dope I've ever smoked. Smellll it. It's like... God's vagina.


Dale Denton: How could he find us?
Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.
Dale Denton: It's just... I'm kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.
Saul: Thank you.
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.

The cultural environment in which one lives ought to be as important as the air he breathes... the food he eats.

Mr. Cleary

Sally Wheeler: You lied to me!
David Greene: I didn't lie to you! I lied to my father! I lied to myself!

Dr. Bartram: ...and the meek shall inherit the earth.
David Green: I wonder how meek they'll be when they do, sir.

Dr. Bartram: Was it worth it? Breaking a tradition just to win a football game?
David Green: Your tradition or mine, sir?

I'll honor your traditions, I'll go to the Dean and I will lie.

David Green

True story, last weekend there was a religious revival at Madison Square Garden. Bishop Fulton Sheen made such a stirring speech that 10,000 people converted to Catholicism. Then Billy Graham got up and did some inspired preaching and 10,000 people converted to Protestantism, then to close the program, Pat Boone got up and sang "There's A Gold Mine In The Sky" and 20,000 Jews joined the Air Force!

Charlie Dillon

I have a confession to make, I think about you more then I ought too.

Sally Wheeler

Everybody's asking me what it's like to kiss a Jew.

Sally Wheeler

Charlie Dillon: You know something? I'm still gonna get into Harvard. And in 10 years no one will remember any of this. But you'll still be a goddamn Jew.
David Green: And you'll still be a prick.

Dr. Bartram: I want to forget this whole thing ever happened.
David Green: You're never going to forget this happened. You used me for football, now I'll use you to get into Harvard.

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