Roxanne Kowalski: Just get out! Go on, get out!
C.D. Bales: Wait a second, I am out. You get in!
Roxanne Kowalski: No, get out!
C.D. Bales: Get in. Go on, get off the porch. Go on get off the porch.

It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts!

C.D. Bales

C.D. Bales: [the first time Chris sees C.D.'s nose] It's hypnotic, isn't it?
Chris McConnell: It's huge! It's enormous! It's gigantic! I mean, they said it was big, but I didn't expect it to be BIG!

Well, every job has a perfect tool. Let's see... Uh, this lock doesn't accept Master Card.

C.D. Bales

Chris McConnell: What am I afraid of her for? She's no rocket scientist.
C.D. Bales: Well, actually, she is a rocket scientist.

Dixie: Hey, what about your boyfriend? What was his name?
Roxanne Kowalski: Richard.
Dixie: When's he coming?
Roxanne Kowalski: He's not. He's not coming.
Dixie: What happened?
Roxanne Kowalski: We just ran out of gas. I guess I mistook sex for love.
Sandy: Oh, I did that once. It was great.

[unable to sip from a narrow-mouthed wineglass, C.D. sticks his nose into the glass and snorts it]
C.D. Bales: Party trick. Ah, well, a nose by any other name...
Roxanne Kowalski: Would smell as sweet.

That's our new computer. We can pinpoint any fire in town with that. It's perfect for us, because, you know, we're the fire department.


Dixie: Want anything? A drink?
C.D. Bales: Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.

Sandy: He's got a great ass.
Roxanne Kowalski: Too bad it's on his shoulders.

Your breasts, they're like melons. No, no, they're like pillows. Can I fluff your pillows?

Chris McConnell

I, uh, notice you don't have any tattoos. I think that's a wise choice. I don't think Jackie Onassis would've gone as far if she'd have had an anchor on her arm.

C.D. Bales

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