Dennis: I went for a bit of a run this morning and I think I've got a bit of a... rash...
[indicates downwards]
Shop Worker: Yes...
Dennis: Y'know... Down in the...
Shop Worker: [agitated] Yes, yes, I understand.
Dennis: Scrotal Zone.

Gordon: Go on then, run!
Dennis: Isn't there some kind of like... special technique?
Gordon: Well... yeah... you put one leg in front of the other over and over again really really fast.

Dennis: Excuse me, can I just stop you there.
Whit: Yes...?
Dennis: Oh, I don't have anything to say... I just wanted to stop you there.

Libby: You can't even finish your sentence!
Dennis: Oh... don't... don't... don't be... what's the word?
Old Lady: Prick.
[in the English version: "Cock."]

The only serious relationship I've been in ended in a broken collarbone and a dead meerkat.

Gordon

Gordon: Hey I've got you those tickets you wanted...
Dennis: They were for yesterday!
Gordon: Oh so NOW you don't want them?
Dennis: Why would I want them?
Gordon: You could... sell them on e-bay.
Dennis: Who would buy tickets for an event which happened yesterday?
Gordon: ...Time Travellers.

Whit: I actually ran the London Marathon
Dennis: Oh that's a coincidence.
Whit: Why's that?
Dennis: Oh, I watched it on the tele... well... the last hour... I sleep in on Sundays.

Undercover Officer: You want your son to love you? Don't break the law!
Dennis: Hey! That's entrapment!
[gets pushed to the ground]
Dennis: And that's brutality!

Bo Catlett: It says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy?
Chili Palmer: That's right, we're getting Martin.
Bo Catlett: Come on, how you gonna do that?
Chili Palmer: I'm gonna take a gun, I'm gonna put it to his head, and say, "sign the fucking papers, Martin, or you're dead." That's it.
Bo Catlett: I wonder, would that work?

Chili Palmer: Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so fucking dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.
Leo: Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?
Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another fucking question, I'm leaving.

Leo: But you won't know where I am. I mean, I don't even know where I'll be!
Chili Palmer: I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar.

Nicky: How's Momo these days anyway?
Chili Palmer: Dead.

FREE Movie Newsletter