Bo Catlett: Harry called you his associate. What exactly does that mean? I mean, I never heard your name, or read it in Variety, or The Star, or anyplace.
Chili Palmer: It's what he said, I'm his associate.
Bo Catlett: You must bring something heavy to the deal.
Chili Palmer: I do: me.

Bo Catlett: I'd like to introduce my associate, The Bear. Movie stuntman, champion bodybuilder. Throws out things I don't want.
Bear: I think you ought to turn around and head back to Miami.
Chili Palmer: So you're a stuntman, huh?
Bear: Yeah.
Chili Palmer: You any good?
Bear: Am I any good?
[He turns to Bo, laughing. Chili grabs him by the balls, then throws him down the stairs]
Chili Palmer: That's not bad for a guy his size.

Bo Catlett: You see how he just went over the rail like that? Maybe I could get Chili Palmer up here, and you could fix my balcony to give way like they do in the movies. I invite him to take a look at my view, he leans over the rail, pitches off the balcony into the sweet by-and-by...
Bear: Cat, that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

Karen Flores: I think you could be an actor.
Chili Palmer: Well, I could see myself in the parts that Robert De Niro plays. Or maybe even, an Al Pacino movie, you know, playing a real hard-on. But I couldn't see myself in those movies where three grown-up guys get left with a baby, and so they act like three grown-up assholes, acting all cute...
Karen Flores: Chili, Chili, look at me.

Chili Palmer: If you're gonna set somebody up, it's gotta be a surprise, you got that?
Bear: You spotted them, huh?
Chili Palmer: What, did you see that work in some movie you got beat up in?

Chili Palmer: Harry Zimm.
Harry Zimm: Jesus Christ!
Chili Palmer: How you doing? I'm Chili Palmer.
Harry Zimm: Jesus, if I have a heart attack, I hope you know what to do.

Bo Catlett: You broke into my house, and I have a witness to it.
Chili Palmer: What?
Bo Catlett: Only this time it ain't no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting bad guys in "El Dorado."
Chili Palmer: That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.
Bo Catlett: Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.

Ray "Bones" Barboni: I'm from Miami-fuckin'-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?
Limo Driver With Sign: They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: That's what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin bullshit.

Limo Driver With Sign: Mr. Barbone? Welcome to L.A., I'm Bobby, your driver. I hope you had a pleasant flight.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Yeah well, I hope you drive better than you fucking spell, jack-off. My name is Barboni, not Barbone, okay!

Rough business, this movie business. I'm gonna have to go back to loan-sharking just to take a rest.

Chili Palmer

Lily Ford: Rob and Beth slept together.
Hud: Are you serious?
Lily Ford: Yeah, a few weeks ago. Beth made me promise not to say anything.
Jason Hawkins: Are you kidding me Lily? Rob and Beth sleeping together and you're not even going to tell me that?
Hud: Why wouldn't you tell me?
Lily Ford: [long pause] Why wouldn't I tell you?

Hud: Do you guys remember a couple of years ago when that guy was lighting homeless people on fire in the subways?
Rob Hawkins: Jesus, Hud! Maybe not the best time for this conversation down here!
Hud: Right.
[awkward silent pause]
Hud: I just can't stop thinking how scary it'd be if a flaming homeless guy came running...
Rob Hawkins, Lily Ford, Marlena Diamond: HUD!
Hud: I'm just saying. Sorry.

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