Sir, would it help if I said I'd be considerably less likely to end my life if you let us do this?

Kip Crombwell

Never attack a drunk guy with a gun.

Principal Gardner

I'm just a stupid kid.

Charlie Bartlett

Charlie Bartlett: [passes a note to Susan] Hi, I'm Charlie Bartlett
Susan Gardner: [replies on a new piece of paper] Yeah, I know.

I'll see you in the sequel, bitch!

Murphey Bivens

[in the pit, after deciding to not kill the Saber-tooth] Do not eat me when I save your life!


Look, it's growing so fast.


Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?
Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.

Neville: [to a pretty mannequin in the video store] I... I promised a friend I would say hello to you today.
[begins to cry]
Neville: Please say hello to me.
Neville: Please say hello to me.

Neville: Day one thousand and one. We came in close contact with a hive today. Blood tests confirm that I remain immune to both the airborne and contact strains. Canines remain immune to airborne strain only. The vaccine trials continue. I'm still unable to transfer my immunity to infected hosts. The Krippen Virus is... elegant.
[mind wanders]
Neville: Just fishin' in the dark, son.
[after a long pause, going back to his train of thought]
Neville: Behavioral note - an infected male exposed himself to sunlight today. Now it's possible decreased brain function or growing scarcity of food is causing them to... ignore their basic survival instincts. Social de-evolution appears complete. Typical human behavior is now entirely absent.

Shellie: If you're gonna slug me, just go ahead and get it over with, you sick bastard.
Jack Rafferty: There you go, lying about me again in front of my friends. I have never hit a woman in my life.
[Jackie-Boy hits Shellie in the face]

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