Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character.
[Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim: Oh no, don't do that.
Bart: Why not?
Jim: If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.

Hedley Lamarr: Repeat after me: I...
Men: I...
Hedley Lamarr: ...your name...
Men: ...your name...
Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] Shmucks.
[continues aloud]
Hedley Lamarr: ... do pledge allegiance...
Men: pledge allegiance...
Hedley Lamarr: Hedley Lamarr...
Men: Hedy Lamarr...
Hedley Lamarr: That's *Hedley*!
Men: That's Hedley.

Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Elderly woman: Up yours nigger.

Taggart: [learning Bart is the new sheriff of Rock Ridge] Now if that don't beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that's blacker than any Indian. I AM depressed.
Lyle: Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I sure do hate to see you like this. What if me and the boys was to shoot that nigger dead? Would that pep you up some?
Taggart: That might help...

Charlie: Hey Bart, is it me or is the world rising?
Bart: I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it.

Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake, but very puzzled.

Lili Von Shtupp: Hello, cowboy. Wha's your name?
Tex: Tex, Ma'am.
Lili Von Shtupp: Texmam? Well, tell me Texmam, are you in show business?
Tex: Well, no, ma'am.
Lilly von Schtupp: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off o' the stage.

Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.

Mexican Bandit

Constance Harraway: The TA just finished transcribing all the governor's radio and TV comments. Listen to this gem: Journalist - "Governor, don't you think three executions in one week is a little excessive?" Governor - "I say let's bring them in, strap them down, and rock and roll."
David Gale: Oh, it's good to know our governor is in touch with his inner frat boy.

Berlin: Did I tell you that when you were circumcised they threw away the wrong part?
David Gale: Yes, I believe you mentioned it. It's called schmuck.
Berlin: What?
David Gale: Part of the foreskin they throw away after circumcision, I believe it is called schmuck.
Berlin: Aren't we so fucking clever.

Bitsey Bloom: You know you are in the bible belt when there are more churches than Starbucks.
Zack: When there are more prisons than Starbucks.

Berlin: Sorry about being late. There was, you know, a thing.
David Gale: Yeah, there usually is, Berlin.
Berlin: Look, I know I'm not doing too well, and, to torture a cliché, I will do anything to pass.
David Gale: Anything, huh?
Berlin: Any. Thing.
David Gale: Ok, Berlin.
[leans in close]
David Gale: I will give you a good grade, I will give you a very, very good grade if you just (whispers into her ear) study.

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