I , Jackie Moon, will wrestle a bear.

Jackie Moon

Dick Pepperfield: How did you learn to play basketball?
Jackie Moon: I saw it on TV a couple times, I thought I could do that.

April: You and me, it'd kinda be like cats and dogs.
Will Hayes: Oil and water.
April: Sand paper and bare ass.
Will Hayes: That's gross.

This song is an excellent cure for the will to live.

Will Hayes

Ray: Back off, shorty!
Jimmy: You don't know karate!

You're a bunch of fuckin' elephants!

Ray

Maybe that's what hell is, an entire eternity spent in Bruges.

Ray

Harry: Number One, why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be. Number Two, why doesn't this hotel have fucking phones with fucking voicemail on them and not have to leave messages with the fucking receptionist? Number Three you better fucking be in tomorrow night when I fucking call again or there'll be fucking Hell to pay. I'm fucking telling you.
Ray: Jeez, he swears a lot, doesn't he?

Two weeks, in fuckin Bruge. With you? No way.

Ray

Priest: What did you do Raymond?
Ray: Murder, father.
Priest: Why did you murder, Raymond?
Ray: For money.
Priest: You murdered for money?
Ray: Yes, father.
Priest: Who did you murder for money, Raymond?
Ray: You, father.

They're filming midgets!

Ray

Ken: Harry, let's face it. You've always been a cunt. The only thing that's gonna change, is that you're gonna be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry: You fuckin' retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insulting my fucking kids? That's goin' overboard man!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?

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