You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

Juno MacGuff

Mac MacGuff: Who's the father?
Juno MacGuff: It's... it's Paulie Bleeker
[everyone stares]
Juno MacGuff: ... What?
Mac MacGuff: I didn't think he had it in him.
Leah: I know, right?

[a very pregnant Juno enters the room] Hey there, big puffy version of Junebug!

Mac MacGuff

Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Paulie Bleeker: Come on, let me carry your bag.
Juno MacGuff: Oh, what's another ten pounds?

Edward Lewis: It's just that, uh, very few people surprise me.
Vivian: Yeah, well, you're lucky. Most of 'em shock the hell outta me.

Vivian: Don't you just love Prince?
Edward Lewis: More than life itself.

When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would- I would pretend I was a princess... trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. And then suddenly this knight... on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. And I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me. But never in all the time... that I had this dream did the knight say to me, "Come on, baby, I'll put you up in a great condo."


Edward Lewis: 6 nights at $300 is $1800
Vivian: You want days too.
Edward Lewis: $2000.
Vivian: $3000.
Edward Lewis: Done.

Did I mention, my leg is 44" from hip to toe. So basically we are talking about 88" of therapy, wrapped around you for the bargain price of $3000.


Impossible relationships. My special gift is impossible relationships.

Edward Lewis

Vivian: Let's watch old movies all night... we'll just veg out in front of the TV.
Edward Lewis: Veg out?
Vivian: Yeah. Be still like vegetables. Lay like broccoli.
Edward Lewis: Look, I'll tell ya what. I'll be back. We'll do broccoli tomorrow.

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