William Parrish: You want me to be your guide?
Joe Black: You fit the bill, Bill.

When I introduce you, and I tell them who you are, I don't think anyone will stay for dinner.

William Parrish

Drew: And who would've thought... you, an IRS agent.
Joe Black: Death and Taxes.

Don't blow smoke up my ass, it will ruin my autopsy.

William Parrish

Careful Bill, you'll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.

Joe Black


Tom Witzky
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Maggie Witzky: LISA?
Lisa: You impregnated my sister again.
Maggie Witzky: BITCH!
Lisa: I thought you wanted me to tell him.
Maggie Witzky: Why, because I said don't?

Lisa: Animal.
Tom Witzky: What'd I do this time?
Lisa: Should I tell him?
Maggie Witzky: If you wanna die!
Lisa: Well, your beer-addled sperm still works.


Maggie Witzky

Don't be afraid of it, Daddy.

Jake Witzky

I'm supposed to dig.


Maggie Witzky: She's a witch. She took one look at me and guessed. Well, say something.
Tom Witzky: Bummer.
Maggie Witzky: Something else.

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