Why are hurricanes named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and your car.

Ray Castro

Eduardo Ruiz: You guys remind me of Japanese soldiers on deserted islands who still think World War II is still going on. The fact is that your government surrendered this war a long fucking time ago.
Montel Gordon: You know, I don't think this attitude is gonna help him in front of the judge. Eduardo, there's just one thing wrong with this math. You're in here.

I have actually dreamed about this, about busting the top people, the rich people. WHITE people!

Ray Castro

[Ray Castro is smoking]
Montel Gordon: You should really try a patch.
Ray Castro: Oh man, that shit doesn't work.
Montel Gordon: It worked for my cousin.
Ray Castro: Yeah?
Montel Gordon: Well he had to wear about 6 at a time, but it worked.
Ray Castro: So how is he now?
Montel Gordon: Oh he's dead.
Ray Castro: He's dead?
Montel Gordon: It wasn't because of the patch, man.
Ray Castro: So how did he die?
Montel Gordon: His wife shot him.

Salazar Soldier: How did you know?
Javier Rodriguez: A little bird told me.
Salazar Soldier: What is the name of your little bird?
Javier Rodriguez: It doesn't have a name.
Salazar Soldier: Doesn't have a name? I hate the fucking anonymous ones!

They talk like they're conspiring to conspire.

Ray Castro

Robert Wakefield: I can't believe you brought my daughter to this place.
Seth Abrahams: Woah. Why don't you just back the fuck up, man. "To this place"? What is that shit? Okay, right now, all over this great nation of ours, 100,000 white people from the suburbs are cruisin' around downtown asking every black person they see "You got any drugs? You know where I can score some drugs?" THINK about the effect that that has on the psyche of a black person, on their possibilities. I... God I guarantee you bring a hundred thousand black people into your neighborhood, into fuckin' Indian Hills, and they're asking every white person they see "You got any drugs? You know where I can score some drugs?" Within a DAY everyone would be selling. Your friends. Their kids. Here's why: it's an unbeatable market force man. It's a 300 percent markup value. You can go out on the street and make $500 in two hours, come back and do whatever you want to do with the rest of your day and, I'm sorry, you're telling me that... you're telling me that white people would still be going to law school?

You know, when they forced Khruschev out, he sat down and wrote two letters to his successor. He said "When you get yourself into a situation you can't get out of, open the first letter, and you'll be safe. When you get yourself into another situation you can't get out of, open the second letter." Soon enough, he gets into a tight situation, and he opens the first letter. It says "Blame it all on me." So he blames it all on the old guy, and it worked like a charm. When he got himself into a second situation, he opened the second letter. It said - "Sit down, and write two letters."

General Ralph Landry

Eduardo Ruiz: This is coercion.
Montel Gordon: Coercion. That's a pretty big word for a fisherman.
Ray Castro: Big-ass word.
Eduardo Ruiz: Oh, yeah? I know another big word: immunity.

This could be our last chance! Now get out of the car and shoot him in the head!

Helena Ayala

You like baseball? We need lights for the parks, so kids can play at night. So they can play baseball. So they don't become burros para los malones. Everyone likes baseball. Everyone likes parks.

Javier Rodriguez

Ray Castro: Hey Sugarfoot! How do you like your new place?
[all the agents Laugh]
Eduardo Ruiz: This is not what my lawyers negotiated.
Montel Gordon: Fuck your lawyers. You aren't getting any cappuccino or Biscotti either. You don't like it, call 1-800-CRIMINAL.

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